And I forgot the funniest part! Well, almost. When I got ready to tighten
it all down I asked my neighbor-- who owns the parts place where Mr. Mopar
works-- to come help me.
When he gets there, I start telling him about this guy giving me the wrong
alt., the wrong belts, etc., and he says" You know, we're getting ready to
fire him. We've had the same complaint about him from a lot of customers."
NOW he tells me!!!
MM
Mark McDonald wrote:
> Ah, the joys of owning a 33 year old vehicle!!
>
> I have been trying to get my 1970 New Yorker ready for the Packard /
> Imperial meet in Anniston this coming weekend (okay, it's neither a
> Packard nor an Imperial, but close enough) and it's been nothing but
> fun, fun, fun, since the monent I started!
>
> If I were a poet, I'd write a poem. But I'm not, so you get a
> narrative:
>
> First, you spend close to $300 having someone else fix the exhaust leaks
> in both exhaust manifolds (I am not adventurous enough to go breaking
> off old bolts, so I let someone else do that).
>
> You get the car back and-- good news-- it sounds great and nothing else
> was busted (so I really should be grateful-- my usual experience with
> mechanics is: fix problem 1, create 3 more problems in the process).
>
> The first time you drive it anywhere (that night) it won't start back up
> after leaving it parked 15 min. (Here is where our plot thickens!) You
> call a tow truck, pay him $30 to jumpstart you, and you get home. You
> suspect the alternator and/or volt. regulator.
>
> Next day, you go to your trusty local parts place, where you run into
> MR. MOPAR EXPERT. This is a nice guy, very helpful, and seems to know a
> lot about Mopars. He drives a Duster and raves about how he loves
> "those old C bodies," and you think: well, he must know what's he
> talking about.
>
> He brings out an alternator and plops it on the counter. You look at it
> and think "Hmm, this looks different." You say: "Are you sure about
> this?" Him: "Oh yeah, that'll fit anything from '70 on, Dodges,
> Plymouths, Chryslers, whatever." You push your doubts aside and head
> off for home, feeling confident. MISTAKE #1.
>
> On the way home, you start planning out your day: "Okay, this should
> take me about an hour, maybe two hours tops. Then I'll start cleaning
> the car and getting it ready." FAMOUS LAST WORDS. Nothing ever takes
> an "hour, 2 hours tops" when it comes to old cars! At least not in MY
> world!
>
> Having jinxed yourself with your foolish optimism, you set about trying
> to replace the old alternator with the new. Now, I'm not a wizened old
> pro at car repair, by any means-- mechanically, I'm close to being an
> idiot. But I've changed out at least half a dozen alternators in my day
> and it's usually a piece of cake.
>
> First thing I notice is, the pulley on the new one is smaller than the
> old one. That means I now have about 2" of slack in my old belts. I
> call up Mr. Mopar. "Oh, yeah, it does have a smaller pulley, but it
> shouldn't make that much difference. You sure you got it on there
> right?" After long discussion, I drive back across town and he has a
> pair of belts waiting for me. I compare them. They are wider than the
> old belts by about 1/32nd of an inch. I point this out to Mr. Mopar.
> He tells me "wider is better. You really want a wider belt in there,
> anyway." I am skeptical, but whaddoIknow? I'm just a weekend mechanic,
> this guy works behind a counter in a car store. I take the belts.
> MISTAKE #2.
>
> I get back home and resume my Alternator Adventure. But this sumb#$%
> will not go on, no matter what I do. The back end of it is slap up
> against the engine block, and the side is pinching the fuel line that
> runs up between there. Plus, the bolt hole at the bottom will just not
> line up with the slot in the bracket, no matter how much Manly Strength
> I exert on it (or how much I verbally abuse it).
>
> Here is where you get religious. I actually start praying to God to
> help me get this alternator on! As if, with a war going on, God really
> cares whether or not I get my car running again! This makes me laugh
> now, but I wasn't laughing yesterday!
>
> Anyway, when the miracle doesn't happen, you call up Mr. Mopar and ask
> him again if he's sure this is the right alternator. By now he's
> irritated and tells me most definitely that is the right alternator,
> he's changed a hundred himself, etc., etc., and the alternator he sold
> me is really a BETTER alternator for my car, despite the differences.
>
> So I go back to struggling and praying, cursing and struggling, scraping
> knuckles, bleeding all over, using mirrors and prybars and flashlights
> and anything else I can find-- and the sum$@%# just will not go on.
>
> As darkness falls, I quietly concede defeat and go into the house to
> drink a beer and nurse my wounds. Soaking in the tub I vow, like
> MacArthur, to Return on Sunday.
>
> Sunday morning, I decide "I don't care if the new one is better, if it
> don't fit on the car it don't do me no good!" So I say "to heck with
> Mr. Mopar, I'm going to go find an alternator that looks like the old
> one." FIRST GOOD MOVE. So I drive to Pep Boys, lay the old one on the
> counter and say "I want one that looks just like this." He brings me
> one-- and some shorter belts that are the SAME width. I go home and
> start all over again.
>
> Thirty or forty minutes later, I am done. The car starts, nothing
> explodes, I haven't tangled the belts, everything works. Hallelujah!!!
>
> The moral of the story: I hate working on old cars. I have nothing but
> respect for the folks who do this for a living. My back is aching from
> being bent over in the engine compartment all day, and my fingers are
> numb. I really don't know how you guys do this for a living.
>
> Okay, that wasn't a moral, it was a complaint. Here is the moral: If
> you get the wrong part, IT WILL MESS YOU UP. Secondary moral: Just
> 'cause they talk like an expert, don't mean they is. Third moral: take
> the old part with you & compare (I knew that, but forgot it).
>
> Final moral: start preparing for the next show now!!! :)
>
> Mark M
>
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