Those of us who do our own mechanical repairs will be able to identify with
a number of these.
Tools
HAMMER: Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays is used
as a kind of divining rod to locate expensive parts not far from the object
we are trying to hit.
MECHANIC'S KNIFE: Used to open and slice through the contents of cardboard
cartons delivered to your front door; works particularly well on boxes
containing seats and motorcycle jackets.
ELECTRIC HAND DRILL: Normally used for spinning steel Pop rivets in their
holes until you die of old age, but it also works great for drilling
mounting holes in mudguards just above the brake line that goes to the rear
wheel.
PLIERS: Used to round off bolt heads.
MOLE-GRIPS: Used to round off bolt heads. If nothing else is available, they
can also be used to transfer intense welding heat to the palm of your hand.
OXYACETELENE TORCH: Used almost entirely for lighting various flammable
objects in your garage on fire. Also handy for igniting the grease inside a
brake drum you're trying to get the bearing race out of.
WHITWORTH SOCKETS: Once used for working on older British cars and
motorcycles, they are now used mainly for impersonating that 9/16 or 1/2
socket you've been searching for for the last 15 minutes.
DRILL PRESS: A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat metal
bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and flings
your beer across the room, splattering it against that freshly painted part
you were drying.
WIRE WHEEL: Cleans rust off old bolts and then throws them somewhere under
the workbench at the speed of light. Also removes fingerprint whorls and
hard-earned guitar callouses in about the time it takes you to say,
"Ouc...."
SNAP-ON GASKET SCRAPER: Theoretically useful as a sandwich tool for
spreading mayonnaise; used mainly for getting dog-doo off your boot.
E-Z OUT BOLT AND STUD EXTRACTOR: A tool that snaps off in bolt holes and is
ten times harder than any known drill bit.
TIMING LIGHT: A stroboscopic instrument for illuminating grease buildup.
BATTERY ELECTROLYTE TESTER: A handy tool for transferring sulphuric acid
from a battery to the inside of your toolbox after determining that your
battery is dead as a doornail, just as you thought.
PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER: Normally used to stab the lids of old-style
paper-and-tin oil cans and splash oil on your shirt; can also be used, as
the name implies, to round out Phillips screw recesses.
AIR COMPRESSOR: A machine that takes energy produced in a coal-burning power
plant 200 miles away and transforms it into compressed air that travels by
hose to a Pneumatic impact wrench that grips rusty bolts last tightened 60
years ago by someone in Coventry, and rounds them off.
HOSE CUTTER: A tool used to cut hoses 1/2 inch too short.
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