FW: Alerts to Threats in Europe 2012
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FW: Alerts to Threats in Europe 2012




 

From: chrysler.tnt@xxxxxxxxxxx
Subject: FW: Alerts to Threats in Europe 2012
Date: Thu, 15 Mar 2012 09:07:33 -0500



Alert to Threats in 2012 Europe

by JOHN  CLEESE

The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent events  in Libya, Egypt and Syria and have therefore raised their security level from  "Miffed" to "Peeved." Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to  "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross."

The English have not been "A Bit  Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies nearly ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorized from "Tiresome" to "A Bloody Nuisance." The last time the  British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning level was in 1588, when threatened by  the Spanish Armada.

The Scots have raised their threat level from "Pissed  Off" to "Let's get the Bastards." They don't have any other levels. This is the reason they have been used on the front line of the British army for the last 300 years.

The French government announced yesterday that it has raised  its terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide." The only two higher levels in  France are "Collaborate" and "Surrender." The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France's white flag factory, effectively paralyzing the country's military capability.

Italy has increased the alert level from  "Shout Loudly and Excitedly" to "Elaborate Military Posturing." Two more levels  remain: "Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change Sides."

The Germans  have increased their alert state from "Disdainful Arrogance" to "Dress in Uniforms and Sing Marching Songs." They also have two higher levels: "Invade a Neighbour" and "Lose."

Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as  usual; the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels .

The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can  get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.

 

Australia, meanwhile, has  raised its security level from "No worries" to "She'll be alright, Mate." Two  more escalation levels remain: "Crikey! I think we'll need to cancel the barbie  this weekend!" and "The barbie is cancelled." So far no situation has ever  warranted use of the final escalation level.

-- John Cleese - British  writer, actor and tall person

A final thought -Greece is collapsing, the Iranians are getting aggressive, and Rome is in disarray. Welcome back to 430 BC.

 

 

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